Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
