You're my little dorito
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
ttyl tear gas
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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