Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
