he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
