My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
