ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
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I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
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Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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