this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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