Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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