A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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