and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
