Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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