Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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