I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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