You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My penis needs a shock collar
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
