McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
