One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You are a genius and a whore.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
