is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
