Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
