I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
