We're facebook friends in real life
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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