when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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