Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
