living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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