oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
