I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
