i just google imaged poop.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
