you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
