Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
