Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
