i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
