we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
