I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
