You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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