do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
operation have a gay friend backfired
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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