Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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