I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
