Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
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I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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