I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
