We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
