At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
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Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
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It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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