So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you will always have a special place in my vag
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
