some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
