Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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