the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
