his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
