If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
