All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
