So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
