Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
