I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
