I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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