I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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