I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
