The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize