I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize