my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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