I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
