I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
