Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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