Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
