I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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