my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
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All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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