remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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