Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
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Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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