My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
