You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.