note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
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dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
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Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.