sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
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It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
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Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most