why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.