I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
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i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
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Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem