just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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