Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
